I am overweight by about 120 pounds.  I know after having 3 kids I will never have the same body as before.  These stretchmarks are never going to go away, and the extra skin that I now have is not a bother.  I don't need to dress like a teenager anyway.  I don't mind that part at all.  I have came to the realization though that I do need to "diet" for the sake of my health.  I want to be around long enough to see some grandbabies.  I quit smoking about a year ago and now I am learning new ways to lose weight.

Now, just so you know, I HATE the term "dieting".  Every time I hear that one word it makes me want to eat the biggest pizza around and have ice cream too.  I need to change my eating habits for life, not just for the short term.  I know that in order for me to lose this weight and keep it off I have to be ready for a big change in my life and it will be forever.  It's like being a professional runner.  You either are a sprinter or a marathon runner.  I don't want to sprint to lose the weight, it comes right back when that happens.  Instead, I want to be a marathon weight loser.  So my weight loss will be slow, but I am in it for the long haul.

I am also out of shape being a stay at home mom.  I am working on it though by going for more walks and I know that as I lose the weight, it will be easier for me to work out too.  My kids can help with me getting active, but when it comes to the eating part, well that is a  different story.  It feels like the whole family is conspiring against me with food.  Chris brings home some of the most unhealthiest things that are so tempting that sometimes I just give in.  It also doesn't help when my kids want to make S'mores and the smell of burning marshmallows just about does me in.  Oh and heaven help me when there is Pepsi in the house!!  I need serious support here, and they are just not helping!

So it will be a life change, for my family, because in the end, if I don't help them with their bad eating habits, who will?

I will keep you all posted from time to time about my weight loss, but don't expect much.  I don't own a scale and don't intend to buy one.  I don't need something else telling me to lose weight, my pants say it enough!

At the time it could be hard, easy, or just plain wrong.  Not to mention that the sent lingers on sometimes long after it has come to pass.  It also is not as bad to you as it sometimes is for other people.

My past comes with the stories, just as most peoples do.  Some is common knowledge and others are just not spoken about.  For me though, I have tried to not let my future be brought down by my past.  I don't see the reason to bring it up or to use it as an excuse for my actions of today.  I have heard the idea that the past is what makes you who you are today.  I don't believe that.  I think it is the knowledge that you gained from the past and how you use that information that makes you who you are. 

Now, just because I have moved on from the past, it doesn't mean that others have.  It is those others that bring up the past and throw it back into my face.  They try to whip me with it and think that it will have the same effect on me like it did when I was young.  They were wrong.  I have found that when you let the past be, and accept what has happened, you can be more content in your future.  Now let there be no misunderstanding here, I am not saying everything is not my fault.  What I am trying to get across is that you can't change the past so let it go and learn from it. 

Those others that I was talking about earlier, I feel like they haven't moved on from their past.  They act the same way at their age now that they did when they were 16.  They throw insults at me like a monkey flinging crap.  Why do they do that?  I will take part in that yet again, I am partly to blame.  I stepped on their toes and stood up to them for what I believe.  I have noticed that most people would just blow me off and call me a b*tch at most.  Not them.  It must of been hard to hear the truth in my logic, or some other reason unknown to me, for what they did was lash out onto me even more.  I was called every name in the book and I also were told half truths as if they would hurt me.  I stood up to them anyway.  I don't care what they think of me.  The only reason why I am posting this in the first place is because I want you all to know how I think of my life.

Like I said before, I try to not focus on the past.  When I am old and gray, I won't be looking back on the things that others have said to try to hurt me.  Nor will I want to remember the times of agony and sorrow.  I have so much that I want to pass on but those are not any of them.  Instead, I want to remember my daughter telling me that I should open a restaurant because she loves my cooking.  How about remembering Ethan picking on me so that way I will tickle him?  There are so many good memories in my life and I know there are going to be plenty more to come.   I know my life is not going to be an easy journey, but it will be the happy times that I will try to focus on the most.

The best part of being content and happy in my life is this, if I am happy, so are my children!!  The second best part is that my happiness seems to really piss off the other people!!

Here is the truth of the matter.  I was 19 when I got pregnant with my first child.  It wasn't planned, but that doesn't mean that I don't love her.  I didn't have much as in a place to stay, so we (my man at the time) stayed with his parents.  We stayed with them for about a year and a half before scrapping up enough money to get a place of our own.  Yes, we used food stamps and the state health care.  We were both using marijuana at the time and I know now that was not helping anything.  I own up to the things that I have done, and I think that it has made me a better person for it.  Things were okay, and I say that very loosely.  I ended up getting pregnant again in 2001, and had a baby boy right before my birthday in 2002.  That one was not planned either, but I don't love him any less either.  I was working my butt off pumping gas at that time while my man was a stay at home dad for a while.  We had our fights, and I won't deny that a lot of them were my fault.  Things were really rocky for us, and after about 5 years with that man, we called it quits.  I am not going to play the blame game, it just doesn't go anywhere.  We both played our parts in the matter and that was that.  So now I was a single mom without a place to stay (I won't get into the why for that one).  I tried to find a place to stay, get a job, pack up our stuff, and figure out what I am going to do.  I was scared, very scared that I would never see my kids again.  I knew that I had to stay down here and if I tried very hard, I would eventually get what I needed to stay afloat.  You know that saying "When one door closes, another one opens"?  That is just what it did for me.
It opened up with someone standing on the other side of it.  His name is Chris.  I owe a lot to that man, and I will forever be grateful for what ever brought us together.  I met him in a bar of all places.  I know it's such a cliche but it's true.  I would go down to the bar for dinner some nights while my ex and I were together.  He was just a guy that was down there to play video golf and pool.  We would talk and play pool together.  He seemed really nice, but I knew I didn't have a chance with him.  Nothing became of us because he was a gentleman, and knew I was with someone else.  So when my ex left me, I did what I consider a normal thing.  I went down to the bar and drank.  Chris just got off of work and saw me there.  He knew something was wrong and we talked.  He told me that if I couldn't find a place, I could stay with him.  That is just what happened too.  His roommate was planning on moving anyway so I moved in.  To say we hit it off would be an understatement.  I don't know what I would do without this man, I love him so much.  He helped me get joint custody of my kids, then eventually full custody.  He has helped raise my two like he was their father.  We worked perfectly together as parents.  He is my better half.  Our money is always tight, but if I have to choose between love or money, I would gladly take love any day of the week.  Now, I know what you must think and you are right, we are not perfect people, and we do have our ups and downs.  If I was to compare notes though, I would gladly take these ups and downs any day of the week.  I think it comes down to this, we both had a hard time in our lives, and we both take responsibility for our faults in it.  We also learned from our mistakes and are better for them.  There was one thing that was lacking in our lives though.  I wanted him to be a father in all sense of the word.  I wanted him to hold his baby in his arms in the hospital and see how much of an impact that one little move makes on your heart.
I got my wish in October of 2008.  We had a very healthy baby boy.  I was more than blessed that day.  I not only was able to have Chris with me, but my parents were able to come down as well.  The only thing that I was missing was my best friend, Jen, and even though she was not able to be there for the birth, she was there for me shortly afterward.
Now as I watch Chris with our son, I know that my love for him will never go away.  I don't need a piece of paper telling me that he is my husband.  Being with him 6 years (almost seven), and loving him more and more every day tells me that I will be with him forever.
Yes money is tight, but that is because we haven't gotten welfare in about 4 years.  My small amount of child support has stopped, and I am not working right now.  I am looking for a job though, so when I find one I know that will help.  Now, I know some people will look down there noses at me, and insult the way that I live.  That is just fine by me, just be warned that I will stand up for myself and my family.  I have left out some details just because I knew this was going to be a book, but that doesn't mean that I am a liar or anything else.  I may not of asked for this life, but I am happy for what I got.  I do believe that everything has happened for a reason, and I have learned from it all.  Yet others may not want me to be, but that just goes to show you what type of people they are.
My life may not be perfect, but it's pretty damn close. 

I am a woman that has one husband, one girl, two boys, and two female dogs.
I am also what is known as M-O-M.  I do what I must to be a good mom, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.  Only another mother would know what it's like when you yell at the top of your voice at your child for them to put something down, then the next minute continue the conversation that you were having on the phone.  I find people that don't have kids to be strange, because I have forgotten what that is like.  All in all, I like my life and the way things have turned out so far.  Not a day goes by that I couldn't imagine not having my kids.  I love them dearly.  Only when you love someone, do they get under your skin and annoy you so much, but then again, you aren't doing your job right as a parent if that doesn't happen!!  So this is my blog.  My pain, my joys, my anger, and my love are all going to be put within this blog.  I hope others will enjoy reading it as much as I will enjoy typing it!